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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

God Help Them!

Look, I know the rants about my old job are getting old and I should just forget it and move on, and I will...eventually.  I spent more than ten years of my life with those miserable so-and-sos, you know.  And I still have a point of contact there, that is, my best friend still works there, so I have SOME clue what's going on.

As I mentioned about a month ago, they hadn't successfully hired anyone to take my place.

At any rate, they haven't yet hired a replacement.  Oh, they've TRIED.  But apparently the only guy they actually hired spent all morning trying to find a place and time they'd let him dip snuff, looking for breaks, and then just left the premises.

A day or two ago, I texted her, admitting that even I was surprised that they hadn't hired SOMEONE at this point.  After all, it's been almost two months, and it IS the Obamaconomy, after all.  You'd think they could find SOMEONE.

Turns out all the applicants were losers, she said, except one--whom they couldn't actually contact.  

The plus side to this situation, and I kid thee not, I am NOT making this up, is that my former boss is never around the place anymore.  In order to cover my job, he is coming in before anyone else gets there and getting back after they all leave.  And without his insane micromanaging, the place is doing just FINE and everyone is THRILLED that they don't have to put up with him.  And he's actually working a lot of hours for the first time in years, as opposed to pretending to work a lot of hours and getting his superiors to pity his poor, worthless tuchus.

Then she texted me today and said that they had a lot of interviews scheduled today and tomorrow.  Apparently a whole bunch of new applications came in.

So, out of curiousity, I googled the ad.  It didn't take more than one attempt.  I know how the so-and-so thinks.  I thought it was hilarious, knowing what I know.  So here, slightly edited, it is, with my comments.  You may not think it's so funny, but having spent ten years there, to ME, it's a RIOT.

...looking for a full time delivery personnel/technician...

This doorknob couldn't write to save his skin.  "A" full-time "personnel" is a contradiction, that is, PERSONNEL is PLURAL.  Of course, he couldn't just write "person."  He had to try to make himself look better than that, and ended up looking the twit.

...will train candidate that has a positive attitude...

Oh, a positive attitude is a wonderful thing, I grant you, but that's not what shinola-for-brains means.  What he means is that if you notice that he is an unethical so-and-so and that his superiors haven't a clue, you're supposed to ACT AS IF THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL ANYWAY.  If you catch him in a blatant lie, you're supposed to act as if he was George Washington himself.  If you--God forbid!--catch him in a massive mistake that left you unevaluated for four solid years, you're supposed to act as though that is perfectly normal.  If your company makes serious errors on your paycheck, oh, say, at least ten times in ten years, including one spectacular instance where your pittance of a raise was left off your check for FOUR SOLID MONTHS, you're not supposed to point out that getting payroll correct is not exactly a hot priority for your company.

THAT'S what he means by "positive attitude." 

Note also that they have completely given up on getting someone experienced.  No wonder they suddenly got a lot of new applications.  They might as well have run an ad for a warm body.

...good communication skills...

Maybe someone who knows that "personnel" is plural, perhaps?

...mechanically inclined...

You have to be kidding me.  I had to be able to figure out how to install and repair all kinds of shinola, including, on one occasion, a freaking BIDET that wasn't even ours, wasn't medical equipment, and for the installation of which WE WERE NOT GETTING PAID.  I had to be able to test circuits for continuity, figure out where in the concentrator the tubing had come loose, replace cords, rebuild--at one point--oxygen concentrator compressors, diagnose power wheelchairs, program power get the point.  "Mechanically inclined" is kind of mild. player...

Gives up personal life at the boss's whim.  On one occasion, this so-and-so seriously suggested I put a fifteen-year-old in DAYCARE so that I would be available to work late without notice.

Must have a clean driving record and must be able to pass extensive background check (no felonies).

They came within a hair's breadth of hiring someone just outta the pen last Spring.  So take that for what it's worth.

Deliver and set up medical equipment and supplies...

That sounds kind of mild.  You must understand that some of this stuff is darned heavy.  You haven't lived until you've

until you've single-handedly delivered and set up a bariatric home hospital bed--that is, a bed intended for the severely obese.  Or a power wheelchair.  Or picked up a "dead" power chair, one wherein the batteries aren't working, 
and you must get that heavy sonuvagun into the back of your van single-handedly.

And what about counseling the power chair recipient?

What about deciding what the best location for the grab bar is, given the building's structure and the patient's pathology?  Because I guarantee you the PATIENT doesn't know!

What about tiptoeing between endless piles of dog crap (I am NOT making this up) to install a hand-held shower?

What about plunging your hand through a pile of dead roaches and roach droppings in order to replace the handset on an electric lift chair?

I could go on...

...all over the state of ****...

Mostly in the two largest metro areas, though.  What's the deal here?  He had to use "personnel" but couldn't spell out ********?

...using company vehicles, also repairs and home assessments.

As previously noted, this chucklehead can't write.  NO ONE IS USING COMPANY VEHICLES, REPAIRS, AND HOME ASSESSMENTS TO DO THIS JOB.  Instead, repairs and home assessments are PART of the job to be done WITH company vehicles.  

And let me note, "home assessments" are something that you do not have just any yokel do.  You have to know something about equipment, something about pathology, something about physiology, something about kinesiology, something about FREAKING HOUSE FRAMING, ADA regulations, and so forth.  Granted, some of it is fairly elementary, but some of it is not.   It is ridiculous to talk about a trainee doing more than very elementary assessments for at least a year, and more complex stuff would require, in my opinion, a few years of experience plus some specialized training.

For some home assessments--notably those involved with getting a wheelchair funded--you had better know your stuff darned well or you could conceivably...well, there's consequences, let's just say that.

Now: repairs.  Really.  As previously noted, I have rebuilt compressors, diagnosed and fixed oxygen concentrators, power wheelchairs, home hospital beds, wheelchairs, lift chairs, and onlyGodknowswhatelse.  I wonder where they are going to get this paragon.  He's got to be able to drill holes, lift stuff, check electrical continuity, do some plumbing...oh, I know there are people out there who can do it.  No question about THAT.  The QUESTION is where are they going to get one who can do it FOR WHAT THEY ARE WILLING TO PAY.  

Physically demanding at times and must be able to lift up to 50lbs safely...

REALLY.  No shinola, Sherlock, and I never got a lick of appreciation for it.  First, let me note: lifting fifty pounds is not all that physically demanding.  Any normal man ought to be able to do it repeatedly.

But delivering and assembling a bariatric home hospital bed in a room with one-quarter of an inch of spare room at each end of the bed, without air conditioning, in August...THAT'S physically demanding.  And it's a heckuva lot more than fifty pounds, and if you get some poor schmuck that thinks because he can lift fifty pounds, he can do the job, both he and you are in for a surprise.

Vacation, sick pay and health insurance available...

One week after one year, two weeks after two years, three weeks after ten years...and no paid holidays.

Didn't mention that part, did we?  Because the bald-faced reality is that that means you are perpetually behind, that is, after one year, everyone else has one week of vacation and seven or eight paid holidays, after two years, two weeks and paid holidays, and so forth.  YOU, on the other hand, instead of having twelve or thirteen paid days off after a year, have FIVE.  And so on, with the years.

Used to really tick me off around the holidays.  After ten solid years, I think my Christmas bonus before taxes was 175 bucks.  Yes, I am serious.  And they made me take off holidays without pay.  And yes, that means I lost more--far more!--in pay than I got in Christmas bonuses!

Sick pay?  Don't make me laugh.  I accumulated something like forty-five days of sick pay (and didn't get paid a nickel for it when I was forced to resign, by the way) and never used a day of it.  It was effectively impossible unless you were down with cancer or something.  It didn't kick in 'til the third day you were out sick, and unless you had a doctor's release to return to work, you never knew, these turnips just might fire you!  I think I only saw it used twice in ten years.

Health insurance?  Even before the Obamacare days, this was a joke.  You could get a pittance of a policy with benefits so low that you were better off just rat-holing the premium money.  Now that Obamacare's here, they offer a policy that is not too bad--IF you're just insuring yourself and IF you're willing to settle for a "bronze" plan.  If you're insuring yourself AND YOUR FAMILY, forget it, at least on what they pay.  I would have had to fork over more than 700 bucks a month.

So that's pretty much a non-starter.  Might as well not even bring it up.

...some overtime will be required.

Not much--God knows I wanted more--and frequently without any notice whatsoever.

For YEARS, the only way they could make their deliveries "work" in the City area was to operate on the assumption that MOTW could and would work two ten-hour days down there every week.  They never asked me.  Never checked to see if it was okay.  They just assumed I would do it.  And I did, because I wanted the money, but not everyone is going to be that way.  If I didn't do it, their whole system fell apart--unless they wanted to UPS huge amounts of stuff out.

Heh.  Years ago, they had me doing two TWELVE-hour days down there every week, and the boss, shinola-for-brains, actually had the nerve to tell me he was considering sending me home early on Fridays to take away the overtime.  Seriously.  He wanted me to work 24 hours in two days and not get a nickel extra.

He didn't try it.  Darned good thing.

Well, I know I'll get replaced eventually.  I know.  They may even get someone good for the money they're willing to pay.  Obamaconomy, you know.