You know, boss, I really could not have set this day up any better if I had scripted it. Two weeks ago--three, as of Monday--you pulled me aside to lecture me on my attitude. You told me I came across as condescending and mean, as uncaring.
And, after an appropriate show of faux contrition on my part (for I didn't believe a word of it), you told me that, after ten years with the company, and five years after the New Person's Class was started, you were sending me to the next one. I'll pass over the content of the class for now (but I will cover it in a future post! I promise!), but I'll say that to this second, I do not know if you scheduled me for that class for punishment, or if you did it because you thought it might straighten out my alleged negative attitude, or if you'd been told to do it by your superiors.
What I do know is that you did not expect me to be lionized in front of the audience as the "Shining Star" honoree. I do know that you did not expect the president and vice-president of the company to spend about ten solid minutes publicly praising me for my intelligence, quick wit, and--most satisfying of all--my LEGENDARY AND CONTAGIOUS POSITIVE ATTITUDE. You did not expect that my contributions to the class would be repeatedly singled out for praise by them. You did not expect the president of the company to declare, basically, that he thought I was one of the smartest and best-informed men he had ever met. You did not expect that every company official in attendance would come away tremendously impressed with my knowledge, bearing, and attitude.
I know, because when you asked me how the class went, your face went from its usual artificial smile to absolutely blank within one second flat--and then you left the area. I could not have been more satisfied if I'd been Mordecai being paraded around by Haman.
Let's see you top that.